I WILL PREVIVE [A Side Serve Of Stones] diary extract, 30 July 2017

N-N-NINETIES OUTRO series (2017)

Breathe the presssure. Inhale, inhale, you’re the victim. Exhale, exhale, exhale. ~ The Prodigy.

“Have you had an MRI before?” Mr. Radiology asked me. “Yes I have, for breast cancer screening,” I answered. “Oh, that’s a hard one. This one’s much easier… you’ll be on your back,” he said. And he was right, it was! No boobs dropped in a hole, no injection in the hand, nice warm blankie. Large brick was balanced on top of baps and tummy. Headphones were placed over mermie’s ears. Big push into a bright white cave. I was good to go.

“I’ll just put the radio on!” he shouted. Behind the jackhammer the music started. Gold FM. Of course it was. Breathe, I was with friends… Crowded House (Weather With You), Genesis (Invisible Touch), Gwen Stefani (What You Waiting For), Heart (Alone) and a wild and windy arvo weather warning for Melbourne. We were spanning the decades; it wasn’t all Nineties. “Listen for the breathing instructions!” he shouted again. “Yep, I will!” I shouted back.

The computer told me, “Breathe IN. Breathe OUT all the way. HOLD your breath.” I thought, “Sure thang, Lady Poota! NO DRAMAS! Coz I got superstitious synchronised breath holding down to a fine art and I’m actually trying to make a living out of it innit.” I’ve seen The Prodigy once or twice in my lifetime but funnily enough over the past year I’ve also seen Keith Flint ‘out and about’ in my home blurb… on a bike, at the doctor’s, on the street. Bit weird right? But now I get it. He’s been trying to tell me something. Keep breathing, girlfriend. Keep breathing until that report is in. Keep breathing until you know your final destination. I might look like a passive mermaid on the outside but inside I’m a twisted firestarter.”